8.19.2002
maybe this has been hashed over a million times, and maybe noone cares anymore... but what the hell is up with all these damn reality shows?
i see they are announcing the cast of Survivor Thailand. woo hoo. i have never been a fan (bite me all you survivor-freaks). it just doesn't interest me. this reality show is anything but. what normal people do you know that hang around in the outback or on deserted islands for weeks at a time? that's not real. it's just like a movie, except played with a cast of characters that is unwillingly manipulated by the producers of the show. the thousands of hours of tape are cut, not to show what is really going on, but so that the audience will boo one guy and applaud another. it's just amazing to me that people buy into it so easily.
and it's not like we don't have enough drama in our own lives. the silly problems of a bunch of idiots who are sitting on an island with no food save rice and bitching about the bugs doesn't affect anyone here. yet everyone flocks to their television sets weekly and sometimes twice a week to watch them and either laugh or feel sorry for them. any shred of emotion is wasted on them. there are people all around us who are fighting physical, emotional, and spiritual battles all the time... who stops to think of them?
another fucked up thing is that these shows glorify the underhanded, backstabbing methods required to win this game. it makes me wonder what these people are like in life. it's this kind of crap that leaves people hating themselves for being all the things that are worth something... smart, caring, sensitive, sweet, funny... how can a person think these things make them weak? since when did being nice become a sign of weakness? i just don't understand it...
anyways, i know everyone will still watch the shows... i just hope that they are actually getting something out of it... and that they give as much attention to their own lives and to the lives of the people around them...
*blog*
posted by megs at 19:40
8.17.2002
which by the way reminds me... i have a lot of other stuff here... from before...
is it really worth me typing up over again? i mean really... do you want more from this?
posted by megs at 06:35
you wanna know what's reallly messed up?? the stuff that goes through your head.... when there is noone around to listen.... for example...
Megan was here once upon a time la la la la la la, la la la la la.... la la la la la la, la la la la la.... I wish things weren't like this-a-one is cool. Why why why why why why why why why why why why why I hate hate hate hate dis dis dis dis dis, getting stronger, just gotta run it out. why, not fair, everything just given, never learned, was earned, make friends, no decisions, go on--do it, ya know ya wanna, don't care about clubs. Yo--man, in the bag, hello Mr. President, but what will you DO for women's suffrage? I'm cool, i'm all that, doritos, i'm sorry, but you're sorrier, i talk, you talk, pretty girls, ignore, love, touch, disgust, submission, why?!?!?!? feelings, emotions, never here, don't need, do need what would you know about it? hate work, hate it, hate hate hate.... lucky, spoonfed, nothing right, not everyone's perfect, lucky ducky, never desired, hate, hate, hate not fair, work hard, stupid mistakes, stupid, stupid, stupid. you hurt me, i hate you, you drive me crazy, why am i doing this?
hurting myself, woe, love, love, love, love, love, love, so much, so little, so nothing, don't care, work harder, never good, useless, try none, shut up, prattle, babble, no more, stop it, why, no don't, why, slow down, why, forget it, why, end it, why, love you... because....
always win, always lose, no respect, nothing to be proud of, who? both or none, want it? take it, here, say sorry, matters none, matters all, who cares, do, do, do, something, alone, together, love, hate, love, hate, love...................
all this running through a head, in the not so distant past... well, maybe it is distant... but not forgotten..........
*blog*
posted by megs at 06:28
8.14.2002
Independence is the recognition of the fact that yours is the responsibility of judgment and nothing can help you escape it--that no substitute can do your thinking, as no pinch-hitter can live your life--that the vilest form of self-abasement and self -destruction is the subordination of your mind to the mind of another, the acceptance of an authority over your brain, the acceptance of his assertations as facts, his say-so as truth, his edicts as middle-man between your consciousness and your existence----Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
the responsibility of judgement... it seems like such an easy thing to take responsibility for. your own choices. your ability to say "red, not blue". "i prefer pizza to lasagna." sometimes the choices aren't as easy as that though, are they? i'm not going to school this fall. i'm working to earn money. it's my choice. but why do i feel people giving me that look every time i tell them? and so doubt creeps in where there should be no doubt. i think it over in my head. do i have money for classes this fall? no. do i have a car to get me the 20 miles to school and back? no. if i rode marta to school, would i be able to find a marta-accessible job that would allow me to make enough money for my apt and living? no. if i took classes this fall, do i even know what i want to take, what my goal is yet? no. and i just can't bear to waste money on all those no's. do i think i'm taking the easy way out? hell no! i think going to school and being supported by the system is a lot easier then having to work out here in what is so laughingly called the "real world." (i'll talk about that another day) so i have taken control of my responsibility of judgement and this is me giving the finger to all those people who sneer down their nose at me.
besides, from what i've seen in the classes that i'm required to take an a certain institution of higher learning that will remain unnamed (*coughGASTATEcough*) they really do think we are all stupid. every one of the core classes that i had to waste my hours and money on taught me nothing. i sat around in a room with a bunch of moronic zombies who just sat and lapped away at all the ridiculous filth that some joke of a professor chose to spit out about philosophy and morals. the whole time i felt myself slipping into a stupor and just wanted to scream, even though i knew... just knew... that nobody would notice. for some reason i really don't think that this sounds like a college career that is going to get me anywhere. the worst thing about a lot of those teachers, not all but most, is that they assume that noone notices. they go through the motions day after day, year after year, assuming we all do the same. it's pathetic.
either way, my decision is made and i'm actually looking forward to this fall. i plan to learn more this fall then what two semesters among those retreads would have taught me. wish me luck!
*blog*
posted by megs at 12:16
8.04.2002
*whew*
i have been in the land of the mouse for the past week now. i never thought having fun could be so incredibly tiring!! i must have walked 300 miles this past week! but really, it was an amazing trip. the last time i went to disneyworld was a total suckfest because i just got dropped off in the morning at the gates by my parents with my sister, brother, and a friend and we got stuck there all day long. disney is fun and all, but 14 hours straight of it can really tell on one's nerves. i hated it. lines were about 4 hours long and nothin was that fun cuz i had no idea where i was going or what i was doing.
this time though, we had park hoppers. what a great invention. you can go to a not-so-crowded park in the morning, and if it gets full you just "hop" over to another one. or if it's hot you can head over to epcot to ride all those sit down, indoor rides with the great air conditioning. you can do what you want and hit the big rides and just get the other ones some other day. it's amazing. plus, the days you don't use, you get to keep indefinately for another trip!! anyways, it really was a lifesaver. i managed to get through the whole week with minimal soreness and without really getting fed up or anything.
a few things i did notice about WDW though... it's great that they employ people who are multi-lingual to be able to speak to all of our foreign visitors. but the people should be able to speak freakin english as well. asking complicated questions like how late does the monorail run? became quite an ordeal. there were also a few workers, like the woman at the front desk at my resort, who were consistently giving us wrong information. she really had this clueless look on her face and she clearly had no fuckin idea what was going on.
another thing that cracked me up were the people with the really little kids in strollers. those things are like 4 feet wide and they are constantly rolling over your toes and bumping into your heels. they think because they have a four year old and a stroller they can just plow right through everything. they might actually be better off if they installed plows on the fronts of those things, because a lot of parents would use their strollers to plow through crowds. of course everyone jumps out of the way because noone wants to fall on the little kid riding along not realizing that mom and dad are using them as a human shield.
overall though, i did have a lot of fun. i got to do every ride worth doing, shop, go swimming, meet my boyfriend's family, party at pleasure island, and get my picture with goofy. that's all that really matters. i'm just ready to sleep for a week now.
*blog*
posted by megs at 17:39
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