Independence is the recognition of the fact that yours is the responsibility of judgment and nothing can help you escape it--that no substitute can do your thinking, as no pinch-hitter can live your life--that the vilest form of self-abasement and self -destruction is the subordination of your mind to the mind of another, the acceptance of an authority over your brain, the acceptance of his assertations as facts, his say-so as truth, his edicts as middle-man between your consciousness and your existence----Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
the responsibility of judgement... it seems like such an easy thing to take responsibility for. your own choices. your ability to say "red, not blue". "i prefer pizza to lasagna." sometimes the choices aren't as easy as that though, are they? i'm not going to school this fall. i'm working to earn money. it's my choice. but why do i feel people giving me that look every time i tell them? and so doubt creeps in where there should be no doubt. i think it over in my head. do i have money for classes this fall? no. do i have a car to get me the 20 miles to school and back? no. if i rode marta to school, would i be able to find a marta-accessible job that would allow me to make enough money for my apt and living? no. if i took classes this fall, do i even know what i want to take, what my goal is yet? no. and i just can't bear to waste money on all those no's. do i think i'm taking the easy way out? hell no! i think going to school and being supported by the system is a lot easier then having to work out here in what is so laughingly called the "real world." (i'll talk about that another day) so i have taken control of my responsibility of judgement and this is me giving the finger to all those people who sneer down their nose at me.
besides, from what i've seen in the classes that i'm required to take an a certain institution of higher learning that will remain unnamed (*coughGASTATEcough*) they really do think we are all stupid. every one of the core classes that i had to waste my hours and money on taught me nothing. i sat around in a room with a bunch of moronic zombies who just sat and lapped away at all the ridiculous filth that some joke of a professor chose to spit out about philosophy and morals. the whole time i felt myself slipping into a stupor and just wanted to scream, even though i knew... just knew... that nobody would notice. for some reason i really don't think that this sounds like a college career that is going to get me anywhere. the worst thing about a lot of those teachers, not all but most, is that they assume that noone notices. they go through the motions day after day, year after year, assuming we all do the same. it's pathetic.
either way, my decision is made and i'm actually looking forward to this fall. i plan to learn more this fall then what two semesters among those retreads would have taught me. wish me luck!
