so here i was, on my day off, trying to go through and find some quotes that define "me" to put into a profile. as i looked i realized that it really is hard to find words to do such a thing, and even harder to use someone else's words which were not meant for me. anyway, through all this searching i found this poem. it's about friendship.
reading it has made me think... how good a friend am i? i can sit here and say that i always try to be there for my friends, to cry with them, to laugh with them. but when it comes down to it, i believe that i may just be tooting my own horn. for every moment i can think of where i believe that i may have helped make a positive difference in someone else's life, i can think of ten where i haven't. it's hard to sit here and say that i may in fact be a very selfish person. i just wish it was as hard for me to believe it.
i know being friends with someone is all about accepting who they are and loving them for it. but time and time again i have put myself in the role of teacher, instructing my friends and being overly critical of their choices. the whole time i justify it by saying that they would want to know my honest opinion, and that i have a right to speak my mind. but by doing this, and thinking these things, i may be losing the right to be their friend.
now that i look back on it, i have lost many friends. maybe not lost them, but pushed them to the side. i know that life can often times get in the way of things such as friendships, but i have always told myself that i would not be one of those people. that i would take those who are dear to me and i would keep them there, whether they were 10 miles away or a 1000 miles away. i just don't think that i've done that. too often i have let my own selfishness take over and little things get in the way. too often i have judged people by standards which i cannot uphold. it hasn't been fair to them or to myself.
is this a call for a change? have i seen the error of my evil ways and declared my intentions to fix them? no, its not that. i know people aren't perfect, and i can hold myself up as an example of that. i guess this is just a realization, put into words, of how sorry i am for the mistakes i have made. none of my old friends will read this, and it's probably better that way. it's all a part of growing up and growing apart. if i were to look them in the eyes, i don't think i could ever find the words to do justice to how i felt. how important a simple friendship was to me and how sorry i am for not holding on to it. they'd probably just think i was crazy anyways.
Quiet Emotions
I always wanted more from you
than you were willing to give;
So now we've gone our separate ways
each with different lives to live.
The bond will always be there
the friendship always intact;
But the time for us has come and gone
and the pages of time can't be turned back.
I will always be a friend to you
and wonder how you are;
I'll remember the smiles and laughter
while our fights become painless scars.
Sometimes on those busy days
when you've a thousand things to do;
Please let me glide slowly through your mind
and spend some time with you.
In that quiet moment
when you're surprised to find me there;
Just remember that despite the distance
I am still someone who cares.
*blog*
posted by megs at 17:00
11.13.2002
all i have to say is...
I AM GETTIN ONE FATTY ASS CHECK AT THE END OF THIS MONTH....
hell yeah... they put me on commission at work, and i am kickin their sales figures asses... oh yeah, go me!!
yeah well, maybe this is some sort of sad little existence i'm leading, but it's maknig me happy. and now i've decided to go back and take some classes this spring. yeah for me again! i finally feel kinda sorta motivated. well, i dont know about motivated, but i've just been in a really good mood lately. if the holidays can go off without any of the bullshit that usually comes with it (don't worry, i'm not holding my breath) then this year will always be remembered as a good year. it's always about how you end things... a permanent impression on how you remember them...
so i'm going into this holiday season with my sales guns on hoping to make as much money as possible so that i can actually get somewhere next spring and not be stressed all the time... ah... just the thought feels good already
