so here i was, on my day off, trying to go through and find some quotes that define "me" to put into a profile. as i looked i realized that it really is hard to find words to do such a thing, and even harder to use someone else's words which were not meant for me. anyway, through all this searching i found this poem. it's about friendship.
reading it has made me think... how good a friend am i? i can sit here and say that i always try to be there for my friends, to cry with them, to laugh with them. but when it comes down to it, i believe that i may just be tooting my own horn. for every moment i can think of where i believe that i may have helped make a positive difference in someone else's life, i can think of ten where i haven't. it's hard to sit here and say that i may in fact be a very selfish person. i just wish it was as hard for me to believe it.
i know being friends with someone is all about accepting who they are and loving them for it. but time and time again i have put myself in the role of teacher, instructing my friends and being overly critical of their choices. the whole time i justify it by saying that they would want to know my honest opinion, and that i have a right to speak my mind. but by doing this, and thinking these things, i may be losing the right to be their friend.
now that i look back on it, i have lost many friends. maybe not lost them, but pushed them to the side. i know that life can often times get in the way of things such as friendships, but i have always told myself that i would not be one of those people. that i would take those who are dear to me and i would keep them there, whether they were 10 miles away or a 1000 miles away. i just don't think that i've done that. too often i have let my own selfishness take over and little things get in the way. too often i have judged people by standards which i cannot uphold. it hasn't been fair to them or to myself.
is this a call for a change? have i seen the error of my evil ways and declared my intentions to fix them? no, its not that. i know people aren't perfect, and i can hold myself up as an example of that. i guess this is just a realization, put into words, of how sorry i am for the mistakes i have made. none of my old friends will read this, and it's probably better that way. it's all a part of growing up and growing apart. if i were to look them in the eyes, i don't think i could ever find the words to do justice to how i felt. how important a simple friendship was to me and how sorry i am for not holding on to it. they'd probably just think i was crazy anyways.
Quiet Emotions
I always wanted more from you
than you were willing to give;
So now we've gone our separate ways
each with different lives to live.
The bond will always be there
the friendship always intact;
But the time for us has come and gone
and the pages of time can't be turned back.
I will always be a friend to you
and wonder how you are;
I'll remember the smiles and laughter
while our fights become painless scars.
Sometimes on those busy days
when you've a thousand things to do;
Please let me glide slowly through your mind
and spend some time with you.
In that quiet moment
when you're surprised to find me there;
Just remember that despite the distance
I am still someone who cares.
