mmmm... so now i've finally had time to actually digest the insaneness that was the christmas party weekend... it's actually become a weekend now. so many people come in from out of town that it isn't just a night anymore... it's become something... bigger... in a way... it's not just another party, that's for sure...
so anyways, funniest thing that happened was that i was late to my own party. i swear i am never on time for anything... i know this is some people's biggest pet peeve in the world, but thank god everyone knows this is just part of who i am. i think it is safe (and i wouldn't be offended) if people just started telling me things started an hour earlier then they actually do...
also, the drinking was out of control this weekend. vodka, whiskey, champagne, beer, tequila, rum and jaeger... and not in any particular order... am i leaving anything out? probably... but what a wicked mix it made. alcohol can sometimes bring out the best in people... that usually isn't me but i think i handled it very well specially considering how long it has been. i managed not to throw any fits of any kind and stay pretty sane (which is saying a lot)...
Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make you a far happier and more productive person --Dr. David M. Burns-- this just may be true and let me tell you why...
there is one thing that i realized this weekend that wasn't really directly party related, but maybe indirectly... i've always known that i have extreme avoidance issues... it's not that i don't like confrontation, i just like it on my own terms. and those usually have a lot to do with it not being anything serious... i like to argue for the sake of arguing and not actually deal with any real issues... sometimes i'm afraid of things being too real or too close because it breaks down whatever walls i have so carefully constructed to keep myself safe from, well, everything i guess... maybe that's just part of what makes me so able to smile. the bigger you smile the less you can talk, or cry... besides you look dumb just staring ahead blankly when someone expects something out of you... smile and maybe they think the joke is on them...
anyways, so its no big surprise that i avoid things... i just had this very interesting metaphor of sorts pop into my head that put it into perspective... it's like when your playing the head squishing game with your fingers... you get far enough away from someone and you can squish their heads... it's fun... you are a badass with thumbs so big you can just stick one up and *squish* no more problem... i kind of do that with everything... things get too close or too real and i realize that i can't deal, so i push them away and just give a thumbs up of sorts... smile really big and just block it all out... i've spent the better part of my life either pushing away or running away from everything... get far enough away and it just disappears... avoidance... it's like a drug you become so dependent on because sometimes it just seems easier then dealing... i tried to do that this weekend with something that was really big... keeping things at arms reach... but luckily i have someone who cares enough to not give up and forced me to face how things are and you know what? it worked out... i had to be honest with myself, which is really scary, but i realized that the things that are important have to be dealt with up close and personal... believe it or not, it actually worked out for the best... things are better then ever now but don't think i'm hanging up my thumbs yet... i'm sure they'll pop up again sooner or later...
anyways, it makes a lot of sense to me, plus it appeals to my grover-loving nature and his adorable near and far skit... grover is so cute...
on a final note, huey just opened his bday present... he's 26 as of 45 minutes ago... i got him an 8-in-1 kameleon remote... he'd seen it on techTV many moons ago and kept making me watch the shows so he could show it to me... when it came time to shop around it was one of the first things that popped into my head b/c i knew he would never in a million billion years expect me to get it for him b/c gadgets are his arena and i try not to get too involved in case i mess up... when he opened the box... the look on his face... priceless... i'll see if i can get a picture up here... it's like watching a kid on christmas... face lit right up... i can't wait til christmas... :o)
