on a totally separate note, as much fun as it can be to call people on their bullshit and be the one to "keep it real", it also leaves you a lot of time looking like a mean, sadistic, bitch... and goddamn it i'm sick of being that mean, sadistic, bitch.
why do i always have to let whatever is rolling around in my head (at least the bad things) just pour out like a fuckin geyser? sometimes i think someone should give me a good pinch and shut me the hell up... it's like right when i'm sure i've said enough, i have to go that extra step and just say the last thing on my mind. i think i should add to my new years resolutions consideration list to keep my mouth shut when i know what i'm saying isn't going to get a good response. maybe just for once i'd like someone to say, you know, that megan always knows the right thing to say... she is a font of wisdom and i am just poised to hear the next honey covered words that will spill forth from her lips... not that i know anyone who talks like that, but it would be nice. yes, megan is nice... i like that way that sounds... or looks in this case.
but then again... what's the point of it all if you can't say what is on your mind, even if you do step on a few toes. maybe people are just too fuckin pathetic to be able to hear the truth and just accept it as that and move on. everything has to be taken so personally instead of just realizing that it is one person's opinion and it has nothing to do with what you yourself think on the subject. why don't people just get some fuckin balls and go out there and stop pretending to be everyone's best friend and just admit that they can't stand half the idiots they meet in this world and that not everyone they pass on the street will smile at them b/c believe it or not, they probably don't like you.
ooooh... bad megan. for someone as sensitive as me you would think that i'd take some friendlier social humanitarian view and love my brother or some bullshit like that. but honestly, i don't like most of the people that i meet. it takes a lot to earn my trust and my respect. and usually once those are lost you can't get them back because i personally don't need assholes in my life. i get enough of that hangin around myself all the time. i guess the real issue is that i don't think most people can live up to the levels of crap that i am willing to dish out at times (read not all the time, because i'm not that mean). when people can dish out as much shit as i can i absolutely adore them. maybe i don't see myself as being quite so nonchalant and carefree as i'd like so when i meet someone who is then they become one of my new favorite people.
i don't want to be nice, but i don't want to be mean... but i don't want to be in the middle because that is just so freakin boring. i need a whole new direction... like... the megan direction. where you are neither and both all at the same time, it's that perfect adorable mix that makes people want to be around you because you are honest in that cruel to be kind but in a tactful way and sweet and sensitive when they need that. yes, it's the megan way... we should all go the megan way.
assuming of course that my way is right... which it is...
