You are by nature a sensitive person, MEGAN, but today you could find yourself especially so. You'll relate better to those around you because you can sense what they need even before they tell you. Spiritual matters are very much on your mind, and books and magazines on the subject could keep you spellbound. Phone calls from far away could also provide a lot of food for thought. Exchange your deepest beliefs and try to get new insights
ooooh... so now by nature i am sensitive... why am i today especially so? is it because i had to write this crazy fuckin letter yesterday outlining how i was sexually harassed by my chief operations officer (or COO, who is my boss' boss) for the last year... probably not. i think it gave me an ulcer in the process because it was a difficult letter to write because now i'm going to be on record for forever as the girl that accused the sweet old grandfatherly guy of sexual harrassment... but he was fuckin creepy and it had to be done.
okay, so on we go... sensing what other people need before they need it... hmmm... okay, fuck what other people need... i wish i knew what i needed before i knew so then i'd have it before i needed it... ummm. yeah. then i'd have everything i ever.... shit, needed.... on we go...
spiritual matters? ummm... i haven't been to church in three years... and my job is boring so anything that distracts me for two minutes will keep me spellbound... but as far as spiritual matters... just too hoaxy to be me...
and the only people that call me from far away are fuckin bill collectors... and i hate that shit! it is so annoying... like i don't know it is them ringing up my cellphone... no one ever calls me... it's like i have this cellphone just to amuse myself, which it does, but otherwise i only get family calls. everyone from out of town calls huey first and suddenly i am just the girlfriend again and i absolutely hate that. it seems like i don't have any friends of my own, just the friends i've grabbed through huey and it is depressing and insightful all at the same time... b/c while they may not have originally been my friends, these are people that i've known for like, five years, and that is like the longest i've known anyone... so i guesss that is kinda cool... except not b/c they aren't my friends... but kinda...
and lastly, i've learned that exchanging my deepest beliefs leads to no new insights, only the things i've always known... you can say the same things a million times and you will probably always get the same responses... people are predictable down to the last second, and it makes me realize how fuckin tired i am of everything and everybody... you hear the same shit over and over, and everyone thinks they have the answers to everything. i wish for once that someone would look at me and tell me that i don't have the answers to everything and that neither do they... because that would be something that i could fuckin believe. everyone thinks they've been through it and can tell you what to do. i don't want to be told what to do anymore. or what not to do. i want someone to tell me to do whatever i want and mean it... to point me out into the world and say, it's all yours... i know it takes a lot of courage to do that but i wish someone would... sometimes it is hard to accept that people can do things without you but i wish someone would... and usually it is scary to be alone but sometimes you crave it and sometimes i wish someone would let me... but my life is not my own... i've never claimed it as that and until i get the balls to i have to live out as who i am.
