3.23.2004
so pointless vacationing out of the way, the next order of business seems to be school. i looked at my old academic transcripts. i was reading on the website that transfer students need a 2.0 cumulative gpa to be accepted. my heart literally skipped a few beats. oh fuck was all i could think. it's one thing to know you fucked up and recognize that it was stupid, but to think that those mistakes two plus years ago could bring your current plans to a screeching halt was not something i was prepared to deal with. so i took about ten deep breaths... counted to at least a 100, and typed in the old web address to pull up my transcript.
and there it was, in all its dysfunctional glory. i scrolled through it slowly, relishing the grades. remembering back to what i was doing at the time. textile engineering classes... what the fuck was i thinking, honestly?? hey look, an A. oh wait, freshman psychology... getting adjusted to college. damn. oh no, square root club quarter. yeah, that sucked. oh no, it gets worse. W, W, F... i can't go any further. my pointer drifted towards the X in the upper right hand corner because there was clearly no point in going on any further. crap crap crap.
but wait. i went to state too. i think i did better there. so i quickly scroll through those painful last semesters at tech when everything was so fucked up and fall on my second try at higher education. okay, art classes. i liked those. holy shit. straight A's with a full load. suddenly i smile. maybe i did okay. what the hell was i worrying about? i do this to myself all the time. i psyche myself out. i chuckle kind of nervously and keep going. no point in stopping now, right?
yeah, i should have stopped while i was ahead. the last three semesters are littered with F's, D's and W's. oh my god, i failed drawing II not once, but twice. i failed. a basic drawing class. where you draw boxes. i remember that class and i'm pretty sure all my boxes had straight sides and all that. i guess i didn't go very often now that i think about it. i try to think back and make some lame excuse to myself for why i let it happen and realize i'm not fooling anyone, least of all myself. there's no point anymore. what's done is done. just get some fuckin balls and look at the bottom of the screen. okay, that semester was a .5, that one was a 1.0, and that one was a nice, round 0. now i'm giggling like some escaped lunatic standing in front of the oncoming train and thinking it's all a little too surreal for my taste.
turns out, i transferred into state with a 2.44. while it isn't stellar, it was actually a lot better than i remembered. averaging that with the dismal 1.97 i got during my four semesters at state, i end up with... a 2.3. huh, i can live with that. i actually feel my entire body relax as my muscles individually release and i just become this puddle of relief in my computer chair. i can go back to college. technically at least. this number won't hold me back. i'm smiling at my own dumb luck.
so, for anyone who wants a good laugh, this is how a girl who was ranked 10th in her graduating class, with a 4.02 gpa, early acceptance into georgia tech, a georgia governor's scholarship and a national merit scholarship faired in college...
A's=9
B's=10
C's=12
D's=4
F's=5
W(ithdrawals)'s=9
I(ncomplete)'s=1
i've had an interesting college career. i guess i can only go up from here, right? that makes me feel good actually. i can't believe these numbers. 110 attempted hours. only passed 89. and 104 count towards my gpa. what do you need to graduate? isn't it usually somewhere around 120 or 130? i don't even know. i'm so not on top of this shit. but that isn't really the point right now, is it? i don't have to know everything right now. i just have to make the first step and keep moving ahead. like i said, i psyche myself out. focus on the here and now, know what i want but not worry about how i'm getting there. things will happen and i'll be ready for them because i'm finally at that point where i will accept nothing less.
*blog*
posted by megs at 00:20
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