you go to clean up everything, or pack up everything, and within half an hour, all your shit is on the floor in miscellaneous piles because you wanted to dust a shelf and reorganize but now you are staring at the piles and realizing you have way too much fucking shit and can't decide if you should just throw it all away and start from scratch or actually bother to keep it and find a place for everything which you know never lasts more than a week or so and whats the point of moving things all the way across town if you are never even going to unpack them because there should be a rule that anything you haven't unpacked in the last two years since you moved from your last apartment probably isn't necessary but how can you throw out china that your grandmother gave you just because you don't have anywhere to put it and sure it's just a random wooden dowel but who knows what you could use a wooden dowel for in the future and you'd hate to throw it away and buy a new one later but the less that you take now means the less you'll have to unpack later and that is always a very good thing because you are usually too tired from all the painting, packing and cleaning to actually get your new place organized completely for at least a month which makes it feel very akward during that whole readjustment time and right now it hasn't even hit me that tomorrow night i'll be sleeping in a whole new house that will be mine because my apartment here still looks like mine and feels like mine because not a single damn thing has been packed and it just seems so useless to pack it all up just to have to unpack it again when i don't even believe it all yet anyway...
i guess it just hasn't all sunk in yet. i'm feeling a little frantic. or maybe too laid back? i guess i'm not feeling it at all yet... which is very weird. i've been in robot mode a lot lately i think.
