after all these years of trying and failing, hating every minute of it and being overcome with waves of apathy whenever it became crunch time, i've finally realized the secret to doing well and wanting good grades in my classes at school...
it's not because i think the material is so important that i really want to learn it...
it's not because i feel that grades are the end all be all that some other people think they are...
it's the giddy feeling i get when i click the link to download the excel sheet with everyone's grades, then open it and scan down with my mouse to my student ID number, then over to my grade... then at every else's grades... and i do a victory arm pump in the air.
anonymously, i know that i did better than everyone else on that test. and i also know that i was the first one finished with the test. and i know that everyone else is going to look at that gradesheet and hate the anonymous person who got the perfect score. in highschool i had lots of people to compete with because i was around a ton of kids who were smarter than me all the time, and that pushed me to do better. i'm more competitive than i thought and i like thinking i'm smarter than my classmates now. it's a little conceited, but it gets me through the weeks and weeks i have to spend in these classes where i don't know anyone and they don't know me.
and in the end it all kind of balances out because this is probably their first time around and i'm on, like, my third with this college thing. i guess practice makes perfect... but i'm not going to focus on that...
