i know that when i was last working (it seems like forever ago) and was taking classes full time i felt very... constricted, i guess, in terms of my schedule. the truth is that i had a very rigid schedule of going to work, school, sleeping, and then doing it all over again. it was hard... it was hectic... but thankfully it was over pretty fast.
now i'm trying it all again and i'm having a really hard time after my rather relaxed, school-focused summer readjusting to a busy schedule. i feel very unstable right now and am realizing day to day that i don't really have control over things and i'm about a second from it all spiraling out of control and getting very overwhelmed all at once. i've done the things i know how to do... making lists, buying an organizer and planning the next four months of my life very minutely, dedicating myself to what i know needs to be done this fall... but there are so many variables it's making me itch.
one of the big problems is that i had the absolutely BRILLIANT idea of ordering all my schoolbooks online and therefore saving hundreds of dollars. seemed brilliant until i realized that the shipping times are ricidulous and that i won't actually have said textbooks until three or four weeks into the semester. this makes me a little panicky... it's done, and i have no control over it... and i think that's what makes it so infuriating....
on top of this, the business department at my school has had the brilliant realization that teamwork is a big deal in the business world and we all need to know how to effectively and efficiently work in teams... i agree with this completely. i just wish that every single class i'm in didn't have to have group projects. i'm the control freak, self-reliant person who does not want 60% of every grade to count on 5 other people whose names i may or may not actually ever learn by the end of the semester. i suck, i know it, i need to calm down, but i don't want to. i want it to change... this may make me a little crazy but i don't care at this point.
argh... and while i'm typing this there is this show on the science channel with some guy in a tweed jacket, red turtleneck, late 70's haircut and very 80's graphics all over the place... it's called cosmos but i can't figure out who the hell the host is and his voice is soooo familiar... argh...
ah ha! his name is carl sagan and he wrote Contact the book and produced the movie of the same title with jodie foster and bongo-banging matthew... thank god for imdb...
i have homework to do... but no books to do it with... crap.
