The fixity of habit is generally in direct proportion to its absurdity. - Marcel Proust-
oddly enough, i realized earlier as i was driving back to school for the second time of the day that i am still a manual driver at heart... it's been five years since i've driven one for more than ten minutes, but on a regular basis i still:
rest my right hand on the center gear shift... when i drive a car with the shifter up by the wheel i always am unsure what to do with my hand...
i always drive and do all my turning with my left hand because my right one is otherwise occupied with its resting (see previous one)...
i keep my left knee bent more so that i keep my left foot away from the brake pedal (on more than one occassion i have tried to clutch with my brake)...
and i have also, on more than one occassion, forgotten that the car will drift forward by itself because it's in drive, not neutral...
i tried for about five minutes today to switch all this up when it became so obvious to me and it felt so weird i almost swerved into another lane. i just have to accept that i'm a manual driver at heart...
leaving for savannah in two days... the city is built on the dead, or so i hear.
*blog*
posted by megs at 19:52
9.21.2006
i've never been so alone and i've never been so alive
blah blah blah... broken record, i know! my roommate left today to go to chicago so after i got home from class at 8 i just kinda milled around trying to decide what to do with my evening. how the hell do people live by themselves?!?! it is so BORING. luckily today was a good day... i came home at lunch and took an hour nap, woke up and studied for my test. then i went to school and nailed it, finishing first in class (go me) and so fast that the teacher asked me if i was sure i was done. *arm pump* course, i could be wrong... i may have bombed it. but who cares!!
after that i got a hugemongous coffee at the einstein's in the atrium of the business building and just chilled for a bit. my large coffee requires about 1/4 cup of milk and 4 equals before i can drink it... "i don't even like coffee" i keep telling myself as i chug it down. after that i went to this lecture series that the business school hosts... it was kind of a big one because it's the first of the new school year. they pulled out the big guns and got the coo and executive vp of tbs and tnt. i showed up because it was an extra credit opportunity (hey, everyone needs help) but i was pleasantly surprised... the guy was hilarious! it was very interesting because he actually talked about television, marketing and creativity... all things i like!
so anyway, i was all hopped up on caffeine and feeling pretty good about myself when i got home so i sat and tried to think of something FUN to do... but i am by myself. so after thinking very hard, i got on my walkin shoes and took out puppy. we did a full circle around the entire neighborhood and worked on her leash manners. she's getting so much better and it seemed to put her in a good mood. i think that dylan and i have kind of been feeding off each other's funky moods lately... she's been as mopey as i have and it's made me mopey, which makes her mopey, and... well, you get the idea. it was great to get out and it really got us both feeling good. after that i came in and wrote my four page case analysis on consumer behavior and prang fun pro soybean crayons... honestly, what will they think of next??
it has occurred to me that the reason i may be so happy today is that i know huey will be here tomorrow night... i recognize that and decided to ignore it even though i don't want my happiness to hinge on someone i know won't be here for the next year. i think for now i will just be happy to be happy... baby steps, right?
*blog*
posted by megs at 01:10
9.19.2006
Sometimes everything you've ever wanted Floats above sticking out its tongue And laughing while Everything that anyone could ever need Is down below waiting for you
so i had a bit of a decision to make this week and today i finally broke down and did it... i decided that sad as it is to go shopping for one at the grocery store, it's even sadder to do fast food for one any longer. so i sucked it up and made the trip to kroger. it wasn't so bad... bought a half gallon of milk. yogurt. fruit. frozen dinners. very single-girl kinda foods...
i've been cooking for so long for at least two people that i don't really know how to cook for one. the last time i remember cooking single meals i was eating mac n' cheez and ramen on a regular basis. i now have a grill though so i'd try something tonite that i've wanted to try for a long time... a grill packet with veggies and a cod fillet. huey hates fish so i never get to cook it while he's around. i just marinated it all, salt and pepper, wrapped it up and tossed it on the grill for 15 minutes. it was soooo good. now i'm kind of regretting buying all those frozen dinners... but i'll prolly be too lazy to do fresh meals like that all the time.
another thing i'm doing with all this free time now is actually studying... amazing isn't it? the whole 6-classes-in-one-semester thing isn't freaking me out as much as it did a few weeks ago. huey's gone so it's cleared up the desk in the kitchen... i set up my laptop and it makes a very nice place to work. i actually have my first paper due this week... i haven't written a paper in years. unless you count group project papers... they are just kind of patched together from everyone's info so i don't really think of them the same way. every week i have another test or paper due for the next three weeks... usually two in the same week... but i'm not worried. i'm pretty sure i can do it now...
huey comes home on thursday night. he'll be home for a week and next week is the actual move where we pack up a truck and go. then he'll be taking dylan with him too... cool thing about it is that i'll get to ride to savannah as well, see the new place and check out the town... these two weeks were just practice for me... i guess it really begins after all his stuff is moved out. i'm kinda sure i can do it now... right... kinda...
*blog*
posted by megs at 20:43
9.18.2006
oktoberfest in september?? shouldn't we call it septemberfest??
so this weekend was a nice recovery from last week. thursday and friday weren't so bad because granny was doing a lot better (*whew* i didn't kill her) but i did have to sit in the hospital all day... booorrrinnnggg.... so when friday evening rolled around i literally ran out of the hospital singing, drove to my mom's house, rescued my dylan dog and sped toward home. it felt so good to walk into my house... it was clean, smelled good, no clutter, no crap... i almost fell down and kissed the floor. eventually i came to my senses and just relaxed for the evening.
so we left around noon on saturday for helen, ga. it was the official first day of oktoberfest so we wanted to miss the parade which started at noon as well and get in town after that. we started off our bar crawl at a place on the river which i think was called paul's. but i could be wrong. you could buy a big 32 oz. plastic mug full of beer for $7 and then you get to keep the mug (souvenirs rock!) and refill for only $5. it was a recipe for drunkenness if i've ever seen one. throw a number of rounds of jaegar shots on top of that and we were feeling pretty good by the time we left. we managed to make it to two other bars that evening, laugh at a person in liederhosen (no idea how to spell that), eat brautwurst, and fall over a number of times. it was good times. so here is our group at the last place of the evening... we were all feeling a little sassy by this time, hence the pose...
*blog*
posted by megs at 08:45
9.13.2006
if you think change is good, come over here for a second...
cuz i want to kick you in the knee...
this week has to be one of the worst weeks i've had since... well, i think since my dad died. and that's been almost 2 years so i've been on kind of a good streak for awhile. i guess the fact that we moved my dad's cremains (yes, that is what they officially call them) to a new military cemetary they are building in canton last thursday and did a whole new burial thing didn't really help matters. it kinda got me started in a funk and then it's just gotten worse...
huey leaves... grandma gets pneumonia... i get behind on school work... i feel like i bombed my first big test... i spend a lot of time at the hospital... i'm stuck sleeping under my mom's roof for the first time in over 6 years... grandma has to go to a nursing home to recover... i have to find a job to work for at least the next month or so until things get settled here... i get hospital germs which make me feel sick... on and on and on it goes.
i want to go back to next wednesday and redo the past week... completely redo it. i know i couldn't knock everything off that list, but i'm sure i could at least cut a few back...
so to raise my spirits i decided to listen to this song when i got home because i seemed to remember it putting the whole idea of change in a good light... change for the better basically... if you haven't heard it, you should...
Change -Tracy Chapman-
If you knew that you would die today, Saw the face of god and love, Would you change? Would you change?
If you knew that love can break your heart When you're down so low you cannot fall Would you change? Would you change?
How bad, how good does it need to get? How many losses? How much regret? What chain reaction would cause an effect? Makes you turn around, Makes you try to explain, Makes you forgive and forget, Makes you change? Makes you change?
If you knew that you would be alone, Knowing right, being wrong, Would you change? Would you change?
If you knew that you would find a truth That brings up pain that can't be soothed Would you change? Would you change?
How bad, how good does it need to get? How many losses? How much regret? What chain reaction would cause an effect? Makes you turn around, Makes you try to explain, Makes you forgive and forget, Makes you change? Makes you change?
Are you so upright you can't be bent? If it comes to blows are you so sure you won't be crawling? If not for the good, why risk falling? Why risk falling?
If everything you think you know, Makes your life unbearable, Would you change? Would you change?
If you'd broken every rule and vow, And hard times come to bring you down, Would you change? Would you change?
If you knew that you would die today, If you saw the face of God and love, Would you change? Would you change? Would you change? Would you change?
If you saw the face of God and love If you saw the face of God and love Would you change? Would you change?
problem is, it didn't make me feel better. it made me feel sad... so after sitting and moping for a bit i started to think about it more and realized that right now i'm just sitting here letting things happen to me and around me instead of taking control (one of my favorite things) and doing what i do best... smiling and moving on.
so i wanted to get that off my chest, and now that i did i feel better. besides, i still have saturday and oktoberfest to look forward to...
*blog*
posted by megs at 20:46
9.12.2006
damn you brain...
i sat down and originally named this post "fun in hospitals"...
but after being there for 17 hours over the last two days, i realize there is nothing fun about hospitals. i have my first big test tomorrow morning at 8am and then class til 8pm, but at the same time the hospital may be calling telling me to pick up my gma. i'm not sure how i'm supposed to concentrate all day with this crap going on.
it's all just a little much right now... but i'm not going to think about it. i'm going to go study. and think about saturday when i go to helen for tubing and oktoberfest. study and saturday... study and saturday...
*blog*
posted by megs at 20:50
9.11.2006
i've been caught up in the bad 9-11 voodoo...
what a day. i hope every year isn't going to be this way.
so huey left yesterday. i helped him carry his stuff down to his car, gave him a hug, pointed out the big praying mantis that was slowly crawling across his roof, then waved him off as he drove away... for the next half hour i sat upstairs on my bed wondering how long the praying mantis would be able to hold on and kind of feeling sorry for myself.
fortunately, i'm not the kind of person to sit around and mope for long, so i got my ass in gear and started packing. my mom is on a business trip all week so i'm house and granny sitting until friday. dylan and i have temporarily taken up residence in marietta at my mom's house. i think she's having fun and is still trying to figure out whether the two other old dogs that live here are actually dogs or just lumps of hair because they don't seem at all interested in playing with her... this of course confuses her. i'm living out of a suitcase and trying to figure out which couch i can sleep on without throwing my back out.
i got up at 6 am today to get my grandma ready to spend her day at the senior center while i was in class. my sister was scheduled to pick her up by 9 but i had to be in class by 8 so i got her ready as fast as possible, actually managed to get myself ready and hauled ass out the door by 7:30. dylan is still in the middle of her crate training so i spent my three hours of class thinking more about her being in a strange place alone than actually paying attention to my lectures. i finally rush home at 11 to check on her and am delighted to see that she is relaxed and being well behaved.
so before i can even get done congratulating her and rewarding her good behavior the bad voodoo kicks in... i get a call from my sister saying that the senior center my grandmother was at has had to call an ambulance and send her off to the hospital. my sister's going to the emergency room to check what is going on and i still have another stupid class i have to get back to school to attend. now i'm worried and starting to get freaked out and wondering if my calm and collected attitude about everything that has been happening will last me through until the end of the day or if i will completely flip out, lose it, and just find myself a quiet place to cry.
i feel kind of useless... or maybe helpless? at the moment... so i'm wasting time until class writing this... i wish i was at my own home where i know where to find the garbage bags or extra towels instead of being in charge of running this one for the week...
i'm going to do something weird now and take a glass-is-half-full approach... i'll hope that everything will be all right... and that tomorrow will be better... and that i'm perfectly capable of handling this, not matter what...
right-o
*blog*
posted by megs at 12:06
9.06.2006
sometimes i just rock...
wow, what a great weekend... tech didn't win, but they didn't lose big against the fighting irish. we made it through the family visit to fayetteville, the surprise party for huey on sunday with my family, and the townhome walkthrough with our owners on monday without any major mishaps. as a matter of fact, my cake for huey was a huge success. it came out beautifully (should have after i spent three hours frosting and decorating) and huey was very surprised... which was really the whole point of the thing.
which gets me thinking about gestures... i knew when i was making the cake that it didn't have to be perfect... it was just the time and thought i put into it that meant something. it's like offering your seat to the old lady on the bus so you can sit and glare at her the rest of the trip while you keep getting elbowed in the back by the balance-impaired person behind you while someone else keeps rolling over your toes with their suitcase they can't seem to control. well, not quite like that... because it made me feel good without all the bad side effects, and i got cake to eat on top of it all. so gestures are something we do for other people? or just something we do to make ourselves feel better... i think this was a topic on a friends episode once... is there such a thing as a selfless gesture? you always get something out of it...
anyway, we can start a countdown today... it is now four days until huey leaves... suck. i am pretty busy nowadays so it won't be a huge change not to see him everyday. i think the evenings are going to suck. i wish the fall lineup would start back up again, then i'd have TV shows to keep me from getting bored most days of the week. of course those bastards got rid of all my favorite WB shows. of course, this could be just the opportunity i needed to put those bleeding-heart teenage angst filled shows behind me and finally watch adult shows... yeah right.
they made a sequel to the cutting edge... remember? that movie about the hockey skater who gets hit in the head and becomes an ice skater? i LOVE that movie... and they made a sequel!! huey said i've got a sickness for bad movies, but i put it on the netflix list anyways...
so i'm rambling today on this post... but it is the first day i have stayed at school during my break from 11 to 2... and it's only 12 right now. i guess i could do some homework *yawn* i'm glad i have this information machine to keep me busy in the mean time...
dammit... now i wish i'd driven home and spent the two hours eating lunch with huey instead of sitting in this uncomfortable armchair digesting a lunchable and fruit cup...
*blog*
posted by megs at 11:56
9.02.2006
why i love long weekends...
if anyone has ever needed an extra day to regroup, it's me.
yesterday at work was another comedy of errors. i decided to take grandma out for breakfast to get her out of the house for a bit, so i loaded her in the car. She rides a little scooter when she's around the house but when she's out we just push her around in the wheelchair. after she loaded herself in the car i hopped on the scooter and got ready to enjoy one of the best parts of the job... riding the scooter back inside! well, i got about halfway up the porch when a bug landed on my arm. i tried to shoo it away, but it didn't budge. so i lifted my arm closer to my face and blew on the bug... and the little bastard stung me. i was so surprised i mashed the accelerator popped a wheelie, then swerved off the ramp and into the railing... i think my life may have flashed before my eyes. it was pretty intense.
after that it was just one thing after another... left her breakfast pills at home... didn't put on her "hair" before we left... forgot to get a very important letter signed by granny and put in the mailbox... blahbitty blahbitty blah....
what i did do perfectly yesterday was make two sheet cakes. i'm making a layered cake for a surprise for huey for a party on sunday that is kinda his going away party with my family. normally when i make cakes in a pan, i go to turn them out of the pan and part of the cake sticks to the bottom of the pan. then when i try to frost them little bits of cake are getting all stuck in my frosting. i think it's actually going to turn out to be pretty huge, so my biggest concern is actually how to transport it. i guess i'll just cross my fingers and see...
gatech also has their first game tonite... a big one against the fighting irish. everyone i know is going to be there because they all have season passes but huey and i will be curled up on the couch cheering from home. i hope it's a good game.
on a good note, i did finally get 3 of the 4 school books i ordered... yay! now i can actually study... my god, i am such a geek.
