there's nothing more lonely than chasing a thirty-two ounce, on-the-rocks, texas margarita with a captain and diet coke with splenda...
my god... i thought tonite i would take an unwind before finals evening, have some fun with my friends and just relax, right... stupid me. i forgot that all of my friends are couples now!! mexican fridays have become couples sippin margaritas fridays... scratch that. the girls sip their margaritas with extra limes while the guys drink their manly 32 oz beers. i felt like such a wheel tonite.
the day will come when they are all married... it will be a landscape of couples, far as the eye can see. and i am powerless to stop it. who would want to anyways? everyone needs somebody, right? i just hate that somebody can make you different than you. does that make sense? why do people have to create their single selves and then recreate themselves as their couple selves?? just be one person!! of course, this is easy for me to say because i have been with the same person for so long that i couldn't tell you what my single self would really be like... i've alway been a couple self, technically speaking. in a way at least... but see, i'm still fun, even as my couple self. i just don't know. i hope my single self wouldn't be like how i feel sometimes now... lonely and bored... depressing.
my car finally got fixed. i haven't talked about it lately because it started to seem like bad luck to do that. any day someone asked me about it or i brought up the fact that it was REALLY annoying to have my car in the shop for a week when the problem was the shop's fault... well, that just meant the part for my car was another day away. except another day turned into another day... and then another day... and so on and so forth. what is really priceless is the story i got from the guy at the shop... well, you see, we tried to order your brake pads from the dealership but they were out of stock. then we tried to order them from local parts dealers but they didn't even have the third party versions in. then we had to special order them from the dealership. but they don't make your car anymore, so they had to actually make the part before they could ship it out.......
and at this point my brain kind of starts forming this picture... it's a plant floor and there are lots of people in blue jumpsuits. then suddenly this piece of paper comes flying down this tube (like at the bank) and a guy catches it... yells "stop!!!" and then "we need rear disc brake pads for a '92 mercury sable"... and everyone looks aghast at one another. then they all start pushing buttons and pulling levers... and the machines pull a transformer bit while they rearrange themselves... then they roar back to life and after a minute of puffing and stamping and grinding, out pops a perfect little pair of rear disc brake pads for a '92 mercury sable. and then they change it all back to how they were before and steam ahead as the picture fades to black...
so maybe i have an overactive imagination. but i did tune back in time to hear the guy tell me that my car will be ready tomorrow morning for pick up. some guy was out test driving it as we were speaking and they felt confident about it (those were his exact words, which did not instill confidence in me). either way, i'll be picking it up tomorrow sometime when i actually have an hour or so free to run to kennesaw between my group meetings and studying for four finals. dammit... something good (getting my car back) on a day when i can't really appreciate it. i can't wait til next week when i can really stretch her legs and get a good drive in her... see how those boys in kennesaw really did... and if my special order parts really make all the difference.
i really should be studying right now. but today was such a long day. my mom tricked me into going to church today. i got to work at 8:30 this morning, banged on the door for 30 minutes and then finally walked around to the back and let myself in. my mom was still in her room and didn't answer to my "hellos" so i just got to work with hanging lights and dispersing all the general christmas crap that is all over her house. she finally came down around 9:15 and was like, oh hey! do you wanna go get coffee with me and my group?? since her "group" is a bunch of old ladies from her church who absolutely love me and think i'm hilarious, i figured why not? i get paid for it. so we hopped in the car. 2 hours later we were in that same car driving to church. apparently they always wrap up their old lady get-togethers with noon mass. dammit, dammit, dammit.
i couldn't even remember when i had last been to church until we actually got there. the dropping feeling in my stomach as we walked in the door caught me off guard, but as we walked into the main part of the church it suddenly occurred to me... i hadn't been back here since my dad's funeral. the next hour and 20 minutes of my life pretty much sucked. i spent most of the time pretending to be very interested in the ceiling because everyone knows that looking up is the best way to stop yourself from crying. everything about the mass reminded me of that day two plus years ago... my mouth moved and i said all the required things, but it was like i was stuck in some kind of time warp... while i plan to one day master my emotions so that i don't get freaked out by walking into a room, today just wasn't the day.
at least i can be happy i didn't fall off the roof while hanging christmas lights... too bad the high today barely reached freezing... brrrrrrrrrrr....
