“Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.” -Arnold Bennett-
i understand that it may be hard for people to understand. you see one person leaving, another left behind, imagine the two of them growing apart, see resentment and bitterness growing between them, you believe you can see it all unraveling and can't comprehend why two people would do this or how it could possibly work...
but the crazy thing is, i'm not you. we aren't your parents or your friends or whoever it is that you know that had one person go away and the whole thing fell apart. we aren't the people on tv who leave each other's sight and suddenly forget the last eight years of our lives, embarking on self-destructive adventures all because we are bored by ourselves...
it doesn't make sense to me... after all this time, the question on everyone's minds switches so easily from "when are you getting married" to "are you breaking up?" savannah is in the same state as atlanta... within a mornings drive of it in fact. we aren't moving cross country or even as far as another state, so why the sudden concern? it's weird, i just don't get it.
is it the 100% perfect situation, exactly what i would have picked for myself and exactly where i pictured myself at this age? of course not... but there are things i have to get done, goals i've set for myself... and those are here in atlanta. and huey's goals, his dreams, are happening in savannah. for either of us to let those things go would be worse than a short year apart. i know i'll miss him... he's only been gone two days and i already miss him. it can suck not having your best friend around... but i've had years fly by before, i'm sure this one will be the same, and it's just one more adventure for the both of us... and i'm positive we'll both come out fine on the other side.
what has actually been on my mind the last few days while huey has been fielding all the breakup questions are my grades... as much as i try to not really care, i realized friday after checking the website for the 20th time that i really do want those A's after all, and will probably be kinda pissed if i don't get them. i don't know what it is i'm trying to prove, or who i'm trying to prove it to, but i want it and am going to be very selfish about it. at least it's something constructive to focus on...
speaking of costructive, i have a few things on my list of "to do" items today... so i guess i should do at least one of them...
*blog*
posted by megs at 16:32
7.26.2006
33 minutes and counting...
i'm sitting outside a classroom right now, typing this post onto my phone as i wait for my FINAL final to begin. i've been awake 22 hours now and my brain is kinda running at hyperspeed while the rest of me is just trying to keep up. my first final at 9 this morning was 50 problems multiple choice... i have this weird habit of ticking out to the side of any i'm not 100% sure of to kind of test how prepared i was... 13 minutes and about 24 seconds after i started i bubbled in #50 and looked back thru and only saw one tick mark.
this was both good and bad. good because my 7 hrs of studying actually sunk in somewhat... bad b/c i now had to figure out how to stay awake until 11:30 for my next test... i got the biggest cup of coffe i could find on campus and sat down and stared. i was, for all practical purposes, sleep sitting with my eyes open for the last hour or more... until i heard this genius comment from the girl a table over...
hey, there's two flys having sex on my table.
i had to blink and look over... i did, realized the blissful state i'd just lost, and realized there were still 45 agonizing minutes til my next final. i walked up to the fourth floor, taking the stairs (wastes more time and gets the blood movin, waking me up) wander around the level like i'm lost and stumble upon my classroom, locked....
which brings me back to me sitting here... 21 minutes to go... my ass is asleep and my back hurts from leaning against this wall. i guess i could do another lap around the floor... or hold my nose and chug the rest of my now cold coffee (ugh)... or pull out my notes and study some more... or i could sleeeeeeeppppp......
finally, there's the professor. now i can at least wait in a desk... i can't believe this whole crazy semester will be over in less than 2 hours... and after that this whole hectic summer...
17 minutes to go...
*blog*
posted by megs at 10:57
me and my dumb luck
so it seems that whatever i had last week (my mystery brain tumor) has now become some sort of rash that makes me look like i have chicken pox. or got attacked by 1000 mosquitos. i am covered with pink spots... awesome. and i have 2 finals to take tomorrow. which sucks. i'd rather not go out in public looking like someone with a pink highlighter went to town on me. i don't really have a choice though. i am kinda worried about what i have, but my mom said not to worry about it and give it a few days to go away. my other symptoms went away (eyes hurting and feverish feeling) so it's probably the end of something. i tried to googlechondriac myself today (when i was supposed to be studying... kind of like now!) and i didn't really come up with anything and got grossed out reading about all the truly awful rashes you can have and decided mine is just funny compared to some of the scary stuff that's out there. i did make the mistake of joking to huey that i have measles and now he keeps calling me mumps girl, even though i explained that isn't the same thing (he lumps them together because of MMR shots) *sigh* at least they don't itch. in fact, i forget they are there for an hour at a time til i look down and see my arm or leg :o(
anyways, i gotta get back to studying. keep your fingers crossed that i get better!!
*blog*
posted by megs at 01:03
7.21.2006
it's nawt a tumah... nawt a tumah at awl
there is something wrong with my head! ever since i woke up yesterday my head has been very sensitive to movement and there is a weird dull pain behind my eyes. in fact, every time i look up, down or sideways with just my eyes it hurts worse. i felt very feverish yesterday too, but today i just keep getting cold-sweats. and of course our damn thermometer is broken so i don't really know if i do have a fever. i think this is kharmic payback for me laughing at huey and jay's illness earlier this week... my bacterial tonsilitis went away the first time but three weeks later they are both struggling with it. looks like i stepped in it... i'd rather have a sore throat then this feeling that my brain has come loose from my skull and is moving around a second behind the actual turn of my head...
in other news, it's finals time again so this really is the perfect time to feel like this (fuck me). cereal though, i have two finals next wednesday and a 15-20 page marketing plan due monday (don't forget about the geniuses i have in my marketing group to help me out with this). to add to all of this, i have clerks II tickets tonite, baby shower tomorrow, sister's birthday party sunday, and concert tickets monday... talk about not planning well. luckily huey turned in his 3 week notice yesterday at work so we were able to drop his coworkers' housewarming party off our list for the weekend, even though i'm not really sure where we would have fit it in. i'm not actually sure where my grades stand this semester, but i have a good feeling about them. i've tried to focus on individual performance and not stress the whole semester about where i stand overall. my "one day at a time" approach, while not at all novel is definately helping me to keep better organized and focused. we'll know in two weeks how i did... maybe i pulled a back to back 4.0 and will have another letter to put onto my fridge.
so since huey's turned in his notice it's like savannah is a done deal thing now. it sucks... on one hand i wanted him to stay, to keep working his current job, and not shake things up because it was easier and comfortable and i knew that it worked for us. i was just being scared of change though... and selfish. on the other hand i know he has to go because this is what he wants, what he's wanted for a couple of years now, and this is his chance to get it. i guess what i'm worried about long term is, where does it end? he goes to savannah for his career... what happens in a year and half when i finish school? what if i get offered a job in another city? do i move for my career? or follow him to savannah? or try to get him back to atlanta? this issues are so far in the future but i have a feeling they are going to rush up faster than we realize and i won't be prepared to deal with them... either way, i think, big picture, that i can feel selfish and want him to stay because all that shows is that i really care and want him with me... but as long as i deal with that and don't let it get me down, then i'll be fine with the whole thing...
on a less mushy note, i'm a little sick of our chocolate salty walls in the living room (our affectionate name for the green-tinted brown color). i've been thinking lately that it's too dark, a mocha instead of a dark vanilla. besides, we stapled up that vinyl shower curtain for the projector and had a bit of a hard time getting the staples back off the wall and kinda gouged holes in the chocolate salty walls... so it needs to have something done with it anyways. sabrina will be moved in by the end of august so i'll talk to her about it. maybe we can pick a different color and paint. i tried to talk to huey about it but everytime i mention paint he starts muttering something about me being a paint nazi and shuts down... which makes me laugh because i imagine myself standing here yelling "no paint for you!!"
*blog*
posted by megs at 14:10
7.18.2006
tappity tap tap shuffle tap tap tappity tap
i'm tap dancing i'm so happy!! well, to be honest, the day was a bit of a rollercoaster. after staying up way too late last night studying for my test today, i went to bed only to catch the very end of 40 year old virgin on demand. which was fine... i was not too engaged in it until the damn thing reset and started playing from the beginning again (stupid comcast). so i closed my eyes and tried not to watch but i am such a movie-o-phile (maybe not a word) that i couldn't stop watching it. so i sat there for almost an hour before i drifted off at about 4:30 in the morning. i think... i stopped looking at the clock around four.
needless to say, i didn't even stir when my alarm went off at 6:30. not a big surprise really. when i did finally wake up at 8 and realize, oh shit, i'm supposed to be sitting in my retarded left handed desk in the row against the wall, four seats back at kennesaw and starting my management class right now, i kind of gave the morning up as a lost cause. very bad with finals next week! but i do what i can, and decided a few more zzz's were my top priority.
when i did finally drag my head off the pillow 2 hours later i had a message from huey. he'd forwarded me a voicemail from the landlord saying they couldn't go as low as $1100 but could do $1300. apparently they thought we were kidding when we said that $1200 was the absolute highest we would go. not that this place isn't worth it... it's definately worth the full 1500, if not more. we just can't afford that. nor do we want to afford that. not with the other options we had. so i kinda deflated and went into my test all snarky but managed to push it out of my mind.
anyway, i called the landlord when i got home and thanked her for looking into it but told her it just wasn't doable for us at anything over $1200. i was putting on my happy face, being all resigned and thankful when she suddenly told me she'd get back to me in half an hour. lo and behold, jay calls thirty minutes later and tells me to check my email and whoopee!!! we got it! we got it!! WE GOT IT!!
I DON'T HAVE TO MOVE!!!!! oh happy day.
you know how sometimes you don't realize you are stressed about something or don't realize that you have this kind of weight on your shoulders because it snuck up on you slowly and you just got so accustomed to it gradually that you forgot what life was like without it? and then suddenly it's gone and you are floating about 6 inches off the ground the rest of the day? that's how i felt. we took a well deserved celebration meal at atkins park along with a few beers and relaxed the evening away.
now i'm excited because with jay and huey gone (not excited b/c huey is gone, but because i'm not getting totally screwed by his leaving), and with sabrina and i in charge, we can really make the place nice as far as decorating it goes. it is fine now, but it kind of is more functional that froo-froo. not that i always like froo-froo, but it can be nice from time to time. i will miss the 70"+ projector screen that we rigged up when jay's tv went bye bye though. its... sooooooo... big!!
one thing i realized at some point about 2 months ago is that i am missing that girl gene that requires you to take pictures from every thing you have ever done with your friends and get them framed and hung up all over your house. i just have never had any desire (at least not for more than 5 min) to do anything like that. but i think it'll liven the place up. plus we get to move around all the furniture and kind of make it feel like new again. i'm also going to pay to have the floors waxed so they'll be all shiny since puppy is going to savannah too (*sniff* i told you i was being abandoned).
either way, this is all shaping up to make a wonderful end of the summer for me and i can't wait for this fall.
i'm going to go ahead and throw in a few victory arm pumps for good measure.
*blog*
posted by megs at 00:53
7.17.2006
i've said it before...
so i'll say it again... i hate moving. i have every year.... if you don't believe me look at my posts between march and june of every year. it's there, over and over again. what is it they say about doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?
anyway, i just did 2 days of marathon apartment (groan) hunting. with the 90+ degree weather and insane humidity, i'd have to say the golf cart rides started to leave a lot to be desired. sucks too... i love golf carts. i'd forgotten how crappy most apartments are and how price and location don't always guarantee quality. i also forgot about how much smaller apartments are. and older. and usually dirtier. sabrina and i hit 9 places on saturday and another 5 on sunday. i have a stack of paperwork on my coffee table that is a little scary in size and that all says the same thing...
*scenic views *state of the art fitness center *tennis courts *pools *controlled access entry (who are they kidding??) *blah blah blah
and on and on they go. luckily sabrina and i are both kind of anal-retentive dorks who decided making a spreadsheet and rating the apartments on a number of important factors was a good idea. it made the process a little easier and we were able to narrow it down to 4 favorites. out of those 4, two were actually newer and pretty nice. in fact, we picked our number one, except there is a catch... we haven't actually seen the inside of the place! it won't be available for a walk through until the current residents vacate on aug 26th, so we can't see it til then. but it's the only 3 bdrm available in the complex... and if we don't throw some money at the leasing agents they won't hold it for us. tricky, tricky bastards. we have faith though, and it's actually a cheap (but of course non-refundable) holding fee. the complex also has a seriously kick ass clubhouse w/ a pool table which is a big plus if i'm even going to consider having the christmas party this year. i think i'm seeing a faint light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel.
to throw another wrench in the works, i really would rather just stay where i am. but $1500 between two seems like too much. so we came up with the novel idea of asking the owners if we could stay for 1200. since there are a lot of vacancies and for sale signs in this neighborhood, we pointed out to them that a four month vacancy after we left would cost them more then giving us cheaper rent and keeping a steady income of our dollars. we're still waiting to hear from them... which sucks. so i'm keeping my fingers crossed while also trying to push it out of my mind as an option. but it is hard... i'd rather stay. i love it here.
so jay is moved out. for the most part. and huey leaves in 6 weeks. while i feel abandoned, i'm also pretty lucky to have gotten a cool roomie. the only bearable thing about 2 days of nazi-intensity apartment hunting was having someone fun there to laugh about it with.
anyways, i have another test in 11 hours (i swear they are getting closer and closer together), an unfinished presentation due wednesday, a paper due next monday and then finals next wednesday. what a fun week i have in front of me.
thankfully i see another faint light though... clerks 2 comes out this week...
*blog*
posted by megs at 02:50
7.13.2006
why being right can be so wrong
remember my last post? about not playing well with others? and having to have control because i feel like the rest of my group is incompetent? i hate to say i told you so... but take a gander at this...
We are marketing a product to help keep your drank cold during any weather. Whether you are an athletic, mother on the go, out doors person, or just someone who works out all the time this product is for you. Who doesn’t want there drink to stay cold? This product isn’t just marketed to one group of people, but to everyone. This product is called Blue Ice Chill. It is a tube, sort of like a glow stick form, that u freeze and put into your drank to make it stay cold. It is attached to a top that has different sizes depending on the drink size. It is reusable and dish washer safe. It has a differential advantage because there are some products like this, but nothing the same. This product is light weight and very easy to use and reuse. Unlike products you use to put around your drank to keep it cool, this product is light weight and cools your drank from the inside out instead of from the outside in. The expected sales and profits for this product will do better in the spring and summer for most states, seeing that in hot weather people will use this product more.
this is supposed to be the executive summary for a marketing plan. as in the part the CEO or VP or other bigwig would read to decide if your plan is good or not. i didn't even ask for any kind of creativity, beyond taking a complete paper i worked my ass off on and condensing it down to a page of summary. all this does is make me want to drank myself into an oblivion... as jay says, i can't believe these are the people they are giving degrees...
somebody shoot me... now... please.
*blog*
posted by megs at 01:19
7.11.2006
doesn't play well with other children
i don't know what it is, but for some reason i really suck at and despise group projects at school. i don't like working on a team at all. you always have that awkward first meeting where everyone is trying to figure out what role they play in the group and you can really get held up if you have two people who love to hear themselves talk because they will butt heads for the next hour while everyone shifts uncomfortably and looks at their watches.
my other big issue is that i like things done a certain way. call me controlling, but most of the time i just think my way is pretty good. i'm not stupid enough to say all the time, but a lot of the times. when it comes to trying to get things done in a group, everyone wants to do it their own way and it doesn't make for a very cohesive finished product. i always volunteer to be the one who will compile all the work because i'm arrogant enough to think that i need to double check everyone's work.
i know i have all these issues, i know that they are not good, and i know i need to just relax and perhaps let it go. it's just hard with someone like me who has an internal locus of control. i can't just turn that off and leave my academic fate to a couple of 19/20 yr olds who do god knows what when they are out of class (i know what i was doing at that age, and it wasn't homework). huey says i need to relax and trust other people... but i don't trust people unless i've known them for a very long time. i've talked about this on multiple occassions before, over the past few years in fact, but it seems i won't ever really change.
so i'm going to duck my head, grit my teeth and just get through it. only 3 more weeks of class left this semester!! woo hoo!
on a more upbeat note, huey's family is going on a cruise next spring and if i can pay my way i can go! it's a bahamas cruise and i haven't been there yet so i figured, why not? besides, i didn't get to swim with the sting rays last time because of the choppy waters at grand cayman so it's on the top of my list this time. and with huey in savannah, it'll be the perfect chance to get to spend whole week with him! i have a feeling vacation scheduling will be a lot harder when time off will be spent just getting back and forth to see each other. boo to long distance relationships! yay to cruises!!!
*blog*
posted by megs at 16:04
7.07.2006
freakin soooo cool...
i love my new laptop! here are some of the funny things i've done with photo booth. this is the best thing since sliced bread... and funny!!
these are my head all stretched out and distorted... i look like a little old lady in the left one and an alien in the right one!!
hee hee... they have a mirror image filter too so you can do even dumber things. i look like i have a nose hole
just a normal one of me so you know that i really am not an old lady, and alien or a single nostrilled weirdo... but i do look pretty mischevious
i'm all comic book cool!!!
when i get some more fun ones i'll post them up.
I LOVE MY LAPTOP!! in case i hadn't made it clear already...
*blog*
posted by megs at 14:11
this IS me doing my job
why is it that everytime it comes around to small talk, whether with friends or strangers, there always has to be that one question... so what do you do? well, buddy, you are looking at it. i don't technically DO anything in the sense that i don't have a paying job, full-time or otherwise. i've tried to come up with casual ways of saying i don't work without getting that weird, raised eyebrow quizzical look of how the hell do you support yourself? and then comes the inevitable question of all that free time. free time?!?!
i have less free time now than when i did work all the time. for some reason, and maybe it's just me, i feel obligated to do a lot of tasks now that i never felt obligated to do when i worked all the time. it may sound weird, but i do laundry a couple days a week... never more than a load at a time. and i sweep. and wipe down counters. and organize the ridiculous mass of cables and cords that belong to every conceivable electronic device and mysteriously appear all over my house at regular intervals. i run errands and sometimes have whole days planned around that. i make plans and lists (a favorite past time) and spend a lot more time studying than i have in years. except that i don't just learn enough to get by... i actually LEARN interesting things and spend time getting to know more than is actually expected.
this is what i DO. what i don't DO could also be a pretty long list. i guess the point is... whatever you see me doing, that's what i DO, it's my choice, and i like it.
ridiculous anecdote for the day...
huey has taken to walking up and trying to poke me from various angles, and when i swing my arm to defend myself he adopts a ridiculous accent and says wax on or wax off or paint the fence... it's very trying on my nerves.
we also just discussed how you milk a coconut and i said but they don't have teats... i think it's time for bed.
